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(Preface: I’m not being paid by anyone to write this, I’m not endorsing any cellular phone service provider or hardware manufacturer, I’m simply highly against Sprint’s marketing tactics and filling in the blanks that they leave wide open.  Also, I’m pissed that they repeatedly lie about their service expansion in certain markets… like Maryland, where I’m based.  So, as such, I shall troll the troll.)

 

I couldn’t help but notice that Sprint has been pushing an awful lot of marketing lately, effectively trolling the other big carriers in the United States saying that their prices are so much cheaper, they’ll cut your cell phone bill in half, give unlimited everything, etc.

 

A screaming goat was used to show the “reaction” of the other carriers.  This goat was actually more of my reaction than anything else.

 

If you’re reading this, the primary reason this post exists is to troll back at all of the reply tweets that Sprint has been posting to Twitter users complaining about their cell phone providers.  No carrier who has received a complaint via Twitter has dodged a jab from Sprint, stating something to the effect of:

And this:

Or this:

Or, then there was this that amused me (along with countless other shameful plugs of their new ad campaign):

Kevin Durant has a fake law firm, complete with fake phone number that, when called, is a pre-recorded message with Kevin Durant making horrible basketball references… or, press option 3 and you’ll hear the theme to The People’s Court… or a bad porno, can’t really tell from the horrible sound quality… not that I’m surprised considering it’s Sprint…

 

Listen, I despise all of the wireless carriers in the United States just as much as the next guy… but this blatant trolling is just too much, especially since Sprint is the worst of the biggest four carriers in the country.  Wireless services are entirely too expensive already… Asian countries with more densely populated areas have less expensive wireless rates for similar, if not higher tiers of service.  Sprint is already chopping bills in half (as long as you get the exact same service with Sprint that you currently have with Verizon or AT&T since T-Mobile is excluded from the promo… some bullshit excuse about how Sprint already has “extremely compelling” pricing available) to save people money, but they’re not telling you how their coverage is an absolute disaster.

 

Incoming image spam:

Sprint Map

Sprint Map

Verizon Map

Verizon Map

AT&T Map

AT&T Map

T-Mobile Map

T-Mobile Map

Image sources:

  • http://opensignal.com/networks/usa/sprint-coverage
  • http://opensignal.com/networks/usa/at&t-coverage
  • http://opensignal.com/networks/usa/verizon-coverage
  • http://opensignal.com/networks/usa/t-mobile-coverage

 

Holy red blobs of coverage, Batman!  Verizon has ridonkulous 4G coverage while Sprint barely has more than T-Mobile!  Ironically, T-Mobile has almost 2.5 times the max download speed of Sprint, which happens to be the slowest download speed provider in the country.  Shockface!

 

The other aspect that really pisses me off is how Sprint has repeatedly lied to myself and someone else helping with the War On Idiots concept about their coverage expansion.  I find it very hard to believe that one of the largest cities in Maryland only has 3G coverage from Sprint, yet a redneck town 15 miles away has full LTE coverage.  We asked Sprint via direct messages on Twitter when 4G coverage was coming here, and were given the same generic answer we received over a year ago when we asked back then… “We expect upgrades to be complete within 90 days.”

 

Yeah, well… you said that a year ago… and now we’re holding you to it.  You only have about another month to complete your 90 day upgrades.

 

Speaking of which, check these out:

Sprint Network Types

Sprint Network Types

Verizon Network Types

Verizon Network Types

AT&T Network Types

AT&T Network Types

T-Mobile Network Types

T-Mobile Network Types

Verizon:  destroying the competition with LTE network coverage.  Sprint:  3rd place.  No wonder they won’t cut a T-Mobile bill in half.

 

So here’s the deal.  Sprint is NOT the best carrier in the country, has many stipulations on actually flipping over to their service and cutting your bill in half (check the FAQ here), is slow, is sparse, lies to you, has shit-tastic customer service (full report from Computer World here) to which I can personally attest from their retail stores to phone-based customer care, and is overall just a plain outright terrible company.

 

I guess they’re just that desperate for subscribers that they have to troll Twitter users… so, I’ll just troll back.

This is part 1 of a series of posts about Bose, the world’s shittiest and most useless audio company.

 

So I read this:

 

http://www.macrumors.com/2014/10/09/nfl-no-beats-rule-fines/

 

Excerpt:

San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick has been fined $10,000 for wearing Apple’s Beats by Dre headphones following a ban on the brand after the NFL signed an exclusive deal with Bose.

 

Bose has a slogan of “Better sound through research.”  I sold Bose products for years and can assure you that the “better sound” they produce isn’t through research.  It’s through subliminal marketing and specifically selected sound clips that are built into their demo units that are tuned exclusively for their products to sound good.

 

Here’s some reality… they’re overpriced pieces of cardboard.  You know those little cube speakers?  The drivers are made out of compressed wood pulp, also known as paper/cardboard/sawdust.  The rubber surrounds are foam.  The impedance is somewhere around 1 ohm or less on some of their proprietary amplifier/speaker combo units, meaning that there’s no resistance for their underpowered amplifiers and higher amounts of distortion at high volumes… if there’s such a thing as “high volume” from a Bose device.

 

Their headphones are equally as shitty.  I have an old pair of Beats Solo headphones, one of the first pairs ever created under the Beats brand, and I rather like them.  The main pair of headphones I use when doing my podcast or other listening is a pair of Shure SE535 in-ear monitors.  I’ve demo’ed a pair of Bose QC3’s and the more recent release of QC25’s and I absolutely despise the lack of clear low-end bass from these headphones.  I would highly recommend these headphones to anyone who enjoys listening to anything reminiscent of Kenny from South Park.

 

There were two mottos we used to parody Bose… one was “Better sound through marketing.”  The other was “No highs, no lows, must be Bose.”  The specially designed demo sounds were digitally recorded clips from Telarc Studios, a recording studio with 100% digital equipment from input to output, eliminating any potential for analog noise or distortion.  An old music group called Industrial Monk recorded their album Magnificat at Telarc Studios, and I must say, the sound quality of that album is absolutely beautiful.  This explains why Dr. Omar Bose hand-selected this studio to record their demo sounds.  Dr. Bose was a marketing genius… more about why in a future post, but for now, let’s leave it at the fact that he knew how to demo his products to make them seem better than the competition, but in reality, they suck ass.

 

The other motto of the no highs or lows comes from the fact that the frequency response of their speakers and headphones was utter shyte compared to comparable headphones that you get for free with your shiny new smartphone.  I’ve never been able to find any spec sheet with detailed specs of frequency response or other information such as the material makeup of their speakers or drivers in their headphones, which leads me to believe they know they make a shit product, they’ll just never admit it.  I remember in my Bose vendor training years ago that they said their frequency response was just the same as the competition’s product, but yet I could hear a clear difference between their crappy paper cones and the kevlar drivers in the higher end products that cost less than Bose.  So basically, the frequency response of their product, while advertised as awesome, was just a fucking joke.

 

Now that the NFL has ousted Motorola as their headset provider for all of the coaches on the sidelines and replaced them with the overpriced Bose headsets, Bose has, in their usual fashion, demanded exclusivity.  These fuckers are some of the best marketing geniuses in existence and blatantly lie to their potential customers through deceptive advertising, but still make billions a year off of the lemmings who think “OMG BOSE IS THE BEST!!!1!11eleven”

 

The next post tells the full story about why the Bose Waveradio of yore was the best selling AM/FM radio on the planet for $350, and why the Sears company was banned from selling it………