celebrity

Dammit, I’m tired of the ALS ice bucket challenge videos.  Seriously.  Knock it off.

Basically, you’re too cheap to donate $100 (or fuck it, $20 for all I care) to ALS, a terminal illness that turns you into an immobile lump of flesh and bone after some years of suffering from motor function failure.  Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (or Lou Gherig’s disease, which ironically, recent studies may have found that Lou Gherig didn’t actually have Lou Gherig’s disease) destroys the muscles, so maybe the origin of the ice bucket challenge was to shock some movement back into the muscles since having cold water dumped on your head makes you jump around like a fruitcake.

So Pete Frates basically went viral with this challenge a while back (or so I saw on an ESPN special) and started to have people raise awareness of ALS by dumping ice cold water on their head, and the penalty for wussing out was to pay $100 to ALS research.  The chain reaction began, but maybe not from Frates.  I’m seeing sources everywhere saying it started somewhere in the UK to a golf pro.  Either way, now it’s getting out of hand.

(Sidenote: I love when people say they’re supporting ALS.  Think about what you’re saying, morons… you’re supporting a disease that immobilizes and kills people?  Oh, right… you’re supporting the research to find a cure for the disease… thanks for clarifying.)

There are four videos that I’ve seen that made me quite happy.  The first was Charlie Sheen’s answer to the challenge, where he donated $10k to ALS research.  That’s saying a lot, considering that money could have bought a lot of blow… and a lot of blow… from his favorite ladies of the evening.

Sir Patrick Stewart’s response to the challenge was even more epic, and effectively drove the proverbial nail in the coffin, hopefully ending this waste of time.  (If you watch the video closely, you can see him actually writing out the numbers 100.00 on the check, which isn’t as much as Sheen’s donation, but the point is that SIR PATRICK FUCKING STEWART has won the ice bucket challenge.)

The third video is of a woman in a bikini top with a large bucket in front of her, spouting off names of people she’d like to challenge, including Adam Sandler (because she loves him that much… *puke*), and then proceeds to, umm… yeah, I’m not going to spoil it.  Just shut up and watch.

Even Steve-O had something to say about it, and he was disgusted by what has been a complete tragedy.  Since Steve-O has cleaned himself up, he’s become significantly more wise (albeit still missing a few brain cells from getting slammed in the head too many times) and is able to think significantly more clearly than before.  The man drives the point home in his response.

But he’s right… does the ice bucket challenge really raise any awareness, or as Alison McDaniel put it, doesn’t it just make you an attention whore?  Yes, I was challenged to dump water on my head, but instead, I donated cashola to ALS research.

Donate here and stop being attention whores if you don’t even know how to spell Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis.

Even though the donate page has a large obvious reference to the ice bucket challenge, the A-list celebrities mentioned on their page are at least raising the awareness and getting the word out about the disease, unlike most of the videos we’ve seen on social media that are simply an excuse to not give $100 to a research association to try to find a cure to this disease.

What’s next, the fire challenge for cancer research?

Save water, donate money.